New year. If it's good enough for most television channels, then it's good enough for me. So, in no particular order, but because it's fun, top 10 things that could lead most to a mental institution...
1) The Tweenies.
2) Wipes that come out in a clump as opposed to one individual one, I don't want to swaddle my child's bottom, I want to wipe it before it gets away and spreads the joys of its nappy all over the place.
3) Parents who make out that their apologising to you when they're really reprimanding you "sorry that my child can't share that with yours, I'm just going to take him away!" Yes, please do, or I'll take your handbag away and won't share that with you either!
4) People who don't pick up their dog poo but leave it to spread over everything and anything.
5) People who tut when your child is having a "moment" in public, if you can do it better my friend, then be my guest!
6) Traffic wardens who don't appreciate that "5 secs" can well turn into "the rest of your life" in any given situation and still give you a ticket even when they see your 2 children, 1 dog and eighty four million carrier bags, none of which smack slightly of luxury!
7) People who talk to children like they're morons!
8)People who make out that the ridiculous hell of children (at certain/many points) is nothing but "just so lovely/brilliant/funny/charming/sweet/adorable/enthusiastic" etc! No it's not, it's revolting and bratty and hideous, you know it, you just won't admit it... why?
9) Places that serve food that is "nuclear" by any one's standards, yet they won't let you feed your children anything else. Yes, you do have a business to run, but if you make me feed my children that toxic flotsam, I will contact health and safety and we'll see how much of business you have left to run then!
10)The Tweenies.
I feel much better after that, 2011 is here and it's a new year. A year when we should be able to be honest and open and give ourselves a little bit of a break. Harking back to my earlier blog, the next time you are going to berate yourself for something that isn't perfect in your parenting manifesto, remember that this is the only job in the world that is totally thankless, in which there is no hierarchical system up which the buck can be passed, nor is there any statutory holiday days, you take what you can give yourself here and there and the rest you have to manage. Good luck for this year, and just to leave you with one "love em"...
1) The lady in the supermarket today, who watched as my 4 pints of full fat milk slid from my bulging trolley to the floor and smashed all over the place like a dirty milk bomb, and said "there's a man behind that, has to be, you can tell!" then laughed a haughty laugh and ushered the grunting trolley man over to clean up the devastation! Made my year in a day.
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