It, as usual, has been a while since I have sat down and done this, but I think something like this takes time to formulate, you can't just rush into these things and expect them to be taken seriously. Two people may, as my statistics show, actually have clicked on for a look at this before I had quite finished or indeed got beyond the title, you're keen, and I am sorry that I didn't get this to you earlier, but here we are.
In this New Year, I have grabbed the bull firmly by the horns and taken to moving swiftly and inelegantly round the countryside with the poor accepting dog. We are doing the C25K challenge and hopefully in another 6 weeks or so we'll be ready to tackle our first 10K run. Luckily, during this time my youngest is at nursery and my eldest is at school so I am not saddled with responsibility for those 20 minutes. During this time I have rediscovered the music from my youth, and that is how I got to the title and current reason for this blurb.
It would appear that the easiest way to "get rich or die trying" is absolutely by going Gangsta. The likes of Snoop and Dre, Eminem and to a greater or lesser degree the likes of Beenie Man, Bounty killer, Tanya Stephens etc, they seem to all be doing rather well and they all express things that I shall go on and try and help you all with too.
Everyone you meet, as far as I can tell, absolutely has to fall into three categories. They are either a nigger, a bitch or a ho. I think who you put in these categories is very much up to you, but can I suggest that good friends and family be put in the nigger category, teachers, other children's parents and village clergy be put in the bitch category and anyone else you happen to meet can like totally be a ho. For instance, when addressing your friends on the phone, just answer with a "my nigger!" and the rest of the conversation will flow naturally from that. Your children can be greeted at the school gates with an almighty holler of "lil niggers", don't be alarmed by the looks you get, they'll all be doing it soon. Parent teacher meetings will go far better when you sit yourself down, having walked with a limp to the desk, and hi five the teacher with a salutational "bitch" or "ho", you don't want to be over familiar in these situations, so for Christ sake work out which one it is before you use it or you'll come a cropper. In those situations you might need to reach for your 9 milli or brolly, depending on what you have to hand, it's not set in stone yet as we're at the very early stages of gangsta.
I realise that diletanteism has taken over and here I have only really covered salutations which might leave some of you confused. Apologies. So, for the sake of progression, I thought I'd also provide you with an example of the use of nigger, bitch and ho in a more general domestic situation. So here goes. You are in the kitchen with your children, possibly mashing potatoes for their tea, then parent brain strike and you can't remember then name for potatoes or masher / ricer (depending on how you do your potatoes). Simple, just aurally deploy "oi, lil niggers, please (no need to slip on manners!) can you pass me the bitch to mash the hos with!" simple, you don't even have to think, unless you forget the three words, in which case expletives will work just as well!
With greetings out the way, I think we can now turn to clearing up. Most children hate this past time, they'd far rather make a massive mess and ignore it, until someone else comes along and can ignore it no more so tidies it all away. This is where we are going wrong. The rastas have it on this one, you just "bunn it" or for those who aren't au fait with the lingo yet, it means burn it. Yes, if your children won't tidy away, just burn the mess, set fire to the lot of it, that way, it's no ones problem, it's gone and done and they'll probably never do it again. They won't be able to at first as all they'll have to play with is charred embers, but what doesn't kill you, and you must be very careful of this (not to kill your children), absolutely makes you stronger. Take 50 Cent for instance, he's been shot a few times, yeah he walks with a limp, but he's alright, that's the main thing. This can really go for anything. If your children won't get dressed, after you've burnt their toys, you'll only need to pull out box of Swan Vespas and they'll get the message. ANYTHING, eating, cleaning their teeth, making their beds, it's simple, just don't be caught without fire about your person.
Apparently, according to Snoop, and I think Gin and Juice has been the most influential in the concoction of this blogg, it's perfectly fine to be sipping on Gin and Juice throughout ones daily life. Doesn't matter if you don't like gin, there are other alcohols fo sho. It's important to know what the day ahead holds. For instance, if you are having to maintain like you are a responsible adult, i.e turning up to pick up your children from somewhere or drop them off, you don't want 99 problems and a bitch not being one of them, so you're probably better off choosing the Endo or bubonic chronic. You'll be less obviously out of your mind in any of the above situations and that is probably for the best, if you don't want the "mother fucking law" in your rear view mirror or anywhere else for that matter. Jay Z can help you with any of this.
Once you have all of this down, your children will become 100 times more manageable. They'll take on these character traits, and gansta themselves into adulthood, whereupon you won't have to worry about them any more, you'll be on South Beach in your wife beat watching other niggers, bitches and hos get rich or die trying, and so life will go on. Seems simpler already, doesn't it?
In this New Year, I have grabbed the bull firmly by the horns and taken to moving swiftly and inelegantly round the countryside with the poor accepting dog. We are doing the C25K challenge and hopefully in another 6 weeks or so we'll be ready to tackle our first 10K run. Luckily, during this time my youngest is at nursery and my eldest is at school so I am not saddled with responsibility for those 20 minutes. During this time I have rediscovered the music from my youth, and that is how I got to the title and current reason for this blurb.
It would appear that the easiest way to "get rich or die trying" is absolutely by going Gangsta. The likes of Snoop and Dre, Eminem and to a greater or lesser degree the likes of Beenie Man, Bounty killer, Tanya Stephens etc, they seem to all be doing rather well and they all express things that I shall go on and try and help you all with too.
Everyone you meet, as far as I can tell, absolutely has to fall into three categories. They are either a nigger, a bitch or a ho. I think who you put in these categories is very much up to you, but can I suggest that good friends and family be put in the nigger category, teachers, other children's parents and village clergy be put in the bitch category and anyone else you happen to meet can like totally be a ho. For instance, when addressing your friends on the phone, just answer with a "my nigger!" and the rest of the conversation will flow naturally from that. Your children can be greeted at the school gates with an almighty holler of "lil niggers", don't be alarmed by the looks you get, they'll all be doing it soon. Parent teacher meetings will go far better when you sit yourself down, having walked with a limp to the desk, and hi five the teacher with a salutational "bitch" or "ho", you don't want to be over familiar in these situations, so for Christ sake work out which one it is before you use it or you'll come a cropper. In those situations you might need to reach for your 9 milli or brolly, depending on what you have to hand, it's not set in stone yet as we're at the very early stages of gangsta.
I realise that diletanteism has taken over and here I have only really covered salutations which might leave some of you confused. Apologies. So, for the sake of progression, I thought I'd also provide you with an example of the use of nigger, bitch and ho in a more general domestic situation. So here goes. You are in the kitchen with your children, possibly mashing potatoes for their tea, then parent brain strike and you can't remember then name for potatoes or masher / ricer (depending on how you do your potatoes). Simple, just aurally deploy "oi, lil niggers, please (no need to slip on manners!) can you pass me the bitch to mash the hos with!" simple, you don't even have to think, unless you forget the three words, in which case expletives will work just as well!
With greetings out the way, I think we can now turn to clearing up. Most children hate this past time, they'd far rather make a massive mess and ignore it, until someone else comes along and can ignore it no more so tidies it all away. This is where we are going wrong. The rastas have it on this one, you just "bunn it" or for those who aren't au fait with the lingo yet, it means burn it. Yes, if your children won't tidy away, just burn the mess, set fire to the lot of it, that way, it's no ones problem, it's gone and done and they'll probably never do it again. They won't be able to at first as all they'll have to play with is charred embers, but what doesn't kill you, and you must be very careful of this (not to kill your children), absolutely makes you stronger. Take 50 Cent for instance, he's been shot a few times, yeah he walks with a limp, but he's alright, that's the main thing. This can really go for anything. If your children won't get dressed, after you've burnt their toys, you'll only need to pull out box of Swan Vespas and they'll get the message. ANYTHING, eating, cleaning their teeth, making their beds, it's simple, just don't be caught without fire about your person.
Apparently, according to Snoop, and I think Gin and Juice has been the most influential in the concoction of this blogg, it's perfectly fine to be sipping on Gin and Juice throughout ones daily life. Doesn't matter if you don't like gin, there are other alcohols fo sho. It's important to know what the day ahead holds. For instance, if you are having to maintain like you are a responsible adult, i.e turning up to pick up your children from somewhere or drop them off, you don't want 99 problems and a bitch not being one of them, so you're probably better off choosing the Endo or bubonic chronic. You'll be less obviously out of your mind in any of the above situations and that is probably for the best, if you don't want the "mother fucking law" in your rear view mirror or anywhere else for that matter. Jay Z can help you with any of this.
Once you have all of this down, your children will become 100 times more manageable. They'll take on these character traits, and gansta themselves into adulthood, whereupon you won't have to worry about them any more, you'll be on South Beach in your wife beat watching other niggers, bitches and hos get rich or die trying, and so life will go on. Seems simpler already, doesn't it?
I'm going to try it. It sounds good. Not too sure how my children will respond, being a bit older than yours, but, hey, I'll give it a go. However it might be too late for them. I'll have to go on a crash course to learn the lingo though. Will keep you posted.
ReplyDelete