And so I wander round, I look good, the hair on my head is a bush, not just reminiscent of the bush that people say you might just have crawled through. Mascara round by my knees and lipstick mostly round my lips, but just a little noticeable bit smeared up my cheek towards my left ear. The jeans I am sporting haven't been out of the cupboard since '99, but they were in fashion then, things can't have changed that much? One of the bottoms of the heels of my shoe has fallen off, so instead of going clip, clop, I go clip, stomp. I don't care, later on I am going to have to lose my jacket because it gets stuck in the door of the club and they're closing up so they won't release the door to free me from my awkward state... just discard the jacket, that's a sensible 4am decision. Yes, I am a mother of 2, my children have gone away for the weekend and I have decided to lose my responsibilities that I have been saddled with and hit the town/bottle!
Most people would have taken this opportunity to go Christmas shopping, catch up with chores or get on with stuff that you have been putting off, mainly because children don't allow, but also because "children don't allow it" is a very understandable code for, "part of me really can't be bothered, I choose life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness!"
As I sit here and write this, I am both amused and ashamed. More ashamed than amused, but the picture of me ricocheting off the walls of some hellish establishment, whilst trying to keep up with the ghost of pre baby me, does make me chuckle. The fact is, I have no children, they have gone with their Daddy and a friend to the friend's house for the weekend, and that means that I can get straight back into the drunken saddle. It'll be fun, it'll be like old times, when sobriety was a luxury and coherent sentences were the stuff of dreams.
This wouldn't have been nearly as bad had I had the children to get up to. Had I known that I had to go home and there was a possibility that a little person might come in to our room to get me, or an even smaller person had cried from her cot because she needed attention. This is what I tell myself, but those that know me probably know better! The fact is, my children "keep me real", they save me from myself. They stop me from being that 27 minus year old who just lurched from place to place with nothing but income and time at my disposal and a host of like minded people to join in the revelry with me.
It's not cool to be the mother of two in the corner with booze stains on your clothes, dancing round your hand bag to music that you haven't even heard of because it's not featured all that often on Radio 4 or Magic!
Let's be realistic, I love a drink, I love a party, I love making merry hell, but is it good to get the bingeingly silly drunk of Saturday night when you have children? Those days that I covet will never be back, thank god. What a wreck, I was a car crash of a human being and my children, my lovely, lovely children and their father have saved me from The Priory or weekly/daily AA meetings.
This is the season to be jolly, I love it. There are Christmas parties a plenty, and then there's New Year or "free ticket to try and get as drunk as is humanly possible with friends on a night that really no one cares about, but the pressure to have a great time is such that you do it anyway" night. So, as I value my life and my children, this year, you can make mine a Schloer (red or white, not fussy) and keep my one glass of something chilled, but I want a hangover free Christmas day and 1st of Jan. Next year is our year, I can feel it and I want to enjoy my children and family and all the gifts that have been bestowed upon me. I'll drink to that, Sambuca anyone?!!
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