It is true, that once you are a parent you spend a large majority of your time surrounded by and discussing the soft stuff, it's like a rite of passage. Before you have babies you keep the topic of bowel movements to a minimum, unless you're a friend of mine/someone who discusses every body's bowel movements liberally. When you have children though, as I mentioned in my last blog, you obsess about that which you find in the nappy, bath, floor, behind the sofa or wherever it is your child has chosen to deposit their fecal offering. This is only magnified when you throw a dog into the mix, because then, you have to pick up their poo as well, or at least one should pick up the filthy stuff, but this is where my gripe comes in.
Hello lovely silf like lady with your English Bull mastiff, isn't this a lovely trot by the river Thames? Yes, yes, my dog is lovely and shiny and coloured like the red autumn leaves! But! your dog has just shat, not once, but twice, a poo that would make a dinosaur wince. UH OH, you're not going to pick it up, no you're not, you're walking by with your swagger and your hair flapping in the breeze. YOUR DOG HAS JUST DONE TWO DINOSAUR POOS AT ALL OF OUR FEET AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO PICK IT UP?! That's the voice in my head, that's the voice in my head until, I have more responsibly put down the mobile and truly guaged that wich is unfolding before my very eyes.
"excuse me!" I shout, over the wind and above the waves of the Thames "Your dog has just pooed (wish I'd said defecated, wish I'd said defecated) on the path and you've not picked it up, would you like a bag?" I know she doesn't want a bag, the last thing she wants is a bag. A hole, yes, she'd like a hole, or a teleport, bag, no. "Bag? They're allowed to poo here, you don't need a bag here?!" she whimpered.
She knew she did, that wasn't even convincing to the dog, it ran off with mine, (probably to sh1t a little closer to the water!) "If your dog poos like a dinosaur or like a Chihuahua, right where there are people walking down to row and mothers with prams, then yes, you need to pick it up! Just means that people don't get it on their shoes or on their pram wheels!?" I proffered a bag and she stooped like a ballerina might, and picked the dinosaur turd up.
I have a dog. My dog poos. If I see it, I know I am not perfect and it might choose to do something out of sight and away from the public gaze. But, if I or anyone catch it, I'll bag it up (poo not dog). If you have children, and you have a pram, you know you've come home with dog sh1t on your pram wheels. The devastation is endless, carpets, feet, children's fingers, mouths, beds, whatever is available, the poo from the pram will transfer to any of those and you'll smell it. You'll pray that it's not on the pram wheels, or on your feet. You'll sniff everything within a five mile radius, but eventually you have to give in, it's on the pram wheels and if you're lucky your child hasn't used them to pull itself up on/ as a cutter for it's play dough/ something to soothe it's teething teeth on. It's endless, and it happens, and it's BLINDING!
How do we get round this problem? What can we do? I just wish there was a way that meant that people with dogs, however unattractive and smelly it is, picked up their dog's poo. Streets would be prettier and a lot less hazardous. If there is anythin ganyone can add or do, the feel free, it'd be nice to live in a non poo hazard environment... n'est pas?
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