People who say that children haven't changed their lives!?

I think I need help, there are people who would wager that they know I need help, but they aren't around, so it's my word against their silence... I win!

The point is, people who say that children haven't changed their lives... I hear that fairly often, I just want to know what, exactly, their lives were like before children then? Did they used to push a buggy full of nothing around with them constantly? Did they wake themselves up regularly in the night with a noise that nature has moulded so as to pierce your very soul with its hellishness? Did they go round to other peoples houses and change their children's nappies four or five times a day? Did they get feeds ready or proffer a bosom at something at regular intervals of the day? Perhaps they left the house with everything they thought they needed and just went in and out several times for things that they had forgotten to pack for their imaginary children? Maybe they threw milk down their own clothes in places that looked like a baby had been sick on them without their knowing it? Could they have not gone anywhere without massive upheaval and time wastingly ridiculous panics about stuff? I don't know, I just wonder how a child can't change your life?

I don't know, maybe there is some hybrid of child that I don't know about. A nappy changing, sleep through the night until your ready to wake up parents, self feeding, self dressing, self packing, pram pushing etc etc baby that these people have! If there is, and you know about it, please let everyone else into the loop so that they don't have to go through the hell that is the first bit of babydom.

Make no mistake, I love my children, just need to qualify that. I hate my screaming, whinging, fighting girls but I love my children. But I will say this, had I known what was going to come, lets say I was standing in a queue when I was 27 and someone played me the video of my babies and what was ACTUALLY going to happen, and then said "keen?" I would have said, in the manner of The Life of Brian sketch when he's being showed where to get his cross for "crucifixion?" "no, freedom actually!".

I would be interested to hear if every mother is like that or if they relish every minute of servitude they pay their children? Do you not want to be free to do what you like when you like and for how long you like? To be able to leave the house every time without worry about what everyone needs, might need or should have? A night when you don't have to worry about being woken up or how early you'll get up in the morning? Income that is totally yours to do with what you will? Schools schmools, make mine a massive Long Island Ice Tea and one of those Louis Vuitton how's your fathers with a Chanel chaser? I know what I'd like if I hadn't have had my two perfect lovely babies.

So, next time you think that you are alone in your negative thoughts, remember that I have worse ones and not everyone is perfect, but we get there, kind of 'coz we have to and kind of 'coz we want to. It goes by so quickly, blink and you'd miss it, then hopefully once you have turned them into the best beings that you are humanly able to make them, they leave home, then my friends, then is the time of holidays to the Maldives and long nights that turn into uninterrupted am's, ooh, that and the fact that one needs to win the lottery!