This is a subject that I hold very dear to my heart, it's something that seems totally natural and yet singularly one of the most obnoxious and irritating things about parenting. Take for example the lady I "met" in NCT baby massage class that I went to with a friend with her NCT group. She came in with her baby, we were all in the same "this is my first baby" boat, and she announced that her baby hadn't pooed for a week. Mrs, I competitively parent professionally, to my left, announced that "little (whatever her mammoth baby was called) poos every day, sometimes multiple times!" awkward laughs and acknowledgements in favour of babies pooing regularly were made as well as Mrs, I want to be perceived, competitively, as the best mother on the planet, chiming in "yes, it's ridiculous the amount of nappies we get through!" I looked over at the mother with the pooless child and saw her sorry down turned face and my blood boiled, so I took this as my opportunity, looked at Mrs competitively parenting professional, knowing the answer to this question already and said "yes, but do you breast feed?" The answer to that was no and so I looked at Mrs pooless and said "don't you worry about it, my daughter didn't poo for 14 days and we took her to Dr's and everything and eventually a mid wife told us that this is normal, breast fed babies poo less as there is less rubbish in the milk and so less waste in the nappy!" this seemed to put a little smile back on her face and competitive parenting moved onto a different topic that neither I nor pooless baby mother cared to get involved with. In this instance, surely we should help, stand together and alleviate the stress of another first time struggling mother? Who cares if your child isn't truly reading Ulysses in the womb, we're all different, what matters is we get there in the end! Really, one couldn't care less if you breast fed or bottle fed your baby. It's totally about what works for you. Solidarity is what's needed, a worried mother is not the arena for you to boast about your child's accomplishments.
This week, I took the girls to Gambado's in Chelsea, and as luck would have it, the BBC were filming Show Me Show Me. Unfortunately the extremely irritating Chris and Pui weren't there, but the toys were, and they were being captured on film.
Take a camera out of your pocket, and the majority of people will be coy and shy or just point blank refuse to have their picture taken. Take a video camera out and put it in a play centre amongst parents with their children and you'll see things you've never imagined were possible. Trying to look nonchalant whilst dragging your child kicking and screaming up a ladder, to go down a slide that they clearly don't want to go down, just so they can be in shot, becomes normal. Thrusting your child head long into the distance, again, so that they can be in shot, usually would be filed under " DANGEROUS" in the parenting manual, but becomes acceptable, if at the end of it, there is a remote possibility that your child will be shown for five seconds on television. Although it wasn't this bad, you know that had it been busy, these "competitive parents" would have elbowed you and your children out of the way if it meant that they could get there child's halo on camera. I have to admit, that at certain points I felt proud that my child might be captured and displayed on Show me Show me, but decapitation of others simply wasn't a natural option for me.
I wouldn't class myself as a competitive parent, although some people might, who knows? I take the approach that if you don't rhapsodise about your children to people, then when they come to see them, the worst simply becomes explainable as "children,tsk!".
My youngest is going through a "stage" at the moment. The stage where total massacre and desecration are the norm. She still hasn't realised that she is a bear, let alone has the strength of one. I often find myself walking around various play groups or play centres or anywhere where there's a populous of more than one, apologising to the smug, tutting competitives whose child mine has just clobbered, scratched, pushed, strangled or wrestled to the ground. Some people are quite happy and realise that this (hopefully) is just a phase, but the there are those whose little Ezmerelda or Tarquin "just never went through that phase, it must be hard being you with your Attila like child?" They never say that, but they don't need to, they have that competitive parent look that says it all.
So, there has to be a happy medium, a medium where you come across as gracious and worldly wise in the realm of Parentdom
All we can hope is that whatever we do, we do to the best of our ability in a positive way, so that our children will be well received wherever they go. Not for us as parents, but for them as individuals, so that they can have as wide and varied a life as possible. No one wants their child to be the brat that every parent hates, but do those parents, competitive or not, know that their offspring is considered in that light?
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